Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
