so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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