I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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