im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
