love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
