I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
