Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
