I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
