you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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