walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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