Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
