i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
