Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
