White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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