I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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