I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
