Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize