Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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