Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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