Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
