Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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