After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
