either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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