we're blogging at a bar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And then the night went full on bisexual.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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