I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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