Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
