obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
