She is in my trunk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
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it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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