Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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