I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
