My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
