I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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