im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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