All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
