Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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