In the future we'll all be gay
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
