I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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