it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
