Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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