how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
