so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
