dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
