When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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