woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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