sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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