dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
