i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
