Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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