Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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