I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
