he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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