so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
