like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
