So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
