when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
