I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
