We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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