At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
