I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How external is "for external use only"?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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