Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is wine microwaveable?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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