Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'

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(772): View more from Florida

bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls

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(315): View more from New York

we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.

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(619): View more from California

When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

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(646): View more from New York

its my first week of college and i have a UTI

(718): View more from New York

not easy being a whore now is it

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".

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(516): View more from New York

He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.

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(510): View more from California

As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.

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