my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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