'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
