My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
