I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
