I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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