Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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