carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this just has baby written all over it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
