he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
