twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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