he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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