He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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