Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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