I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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