Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My underwear smells like fireworks.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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