I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.