Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...