Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
