I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
