the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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