I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize