We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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