It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
