i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
